2010 ushered in not only a new year, but a new decade.
When I stop to think about it, I think, ‘wow, 10 years’. I’ve done a lot in 10 years. On January 1st, 2000, my sister and I started the new millenium with a bang. We went skydiving! From there, I’ve traveled to three different countries, I’ve learned to scuba-dive, I’ve ridden motorcycles, bungee-jumped, made a mint during the e-boom, went back to school and graduated, got married, had a daughter, and finally accepted that I am transsexual. It’s been a wild decade, and I’m only 30!
I’ve done a lot of growing up during those ten years, but I still have much more maturing to do. I think that will be what the next ten years will bring. Much needed maturity. When I got married and then helped bring a beautiful baby girl into the world, I was completely unprepared for the weight of responsibility. I felt as if I barely knew who I was, and was just figuring that out when I met my wife. Thankfully, she is a saint.
I was fortunate enough to be up front with my wife when we met, that I told her all of my darkest secrets at the beginning. That way, if she wanted to run, she could, and it wouldn’t hurt as much. I told her that I was a crossdresser but that I didn’t know where it was gonna go. Even then, I somehow had an idea that it was more than simply crossdressing. She chose to accept me and to love me regardless. She has been my biggest supporter and encourager through my entire transition.
Now, I’ve started the year, the decade, and I am beginning my hormone replacement therapy. And I think that now it’s time for me to grow up (more!). I believe I’ve been reluctant to embrace responsibility because I’m afraid that I’m gonna screw up. And I have to admit that I find it hard to believe that my wife actually wants to stick it out. But she does. She fights for it. More than me most of the time. But I am committed to her. And I’m willing to fight for our marriage until we figure it out. She’s a great woman, a good person. And I love her.
So in thinking about the last decade, it’s time for me to start thinking about the next decade. What can I do to be more responsible. A more loving, caring, parent. More attentive to my wife’s needs. More spiritual. More focused on goals and growth. Living and loving life. So perhaps soon, you’ll see a blog about things that I hope to accomplish in the next 10 years. At 40, I hope, no, plan, to be in a much different place, with 10 years packed full of as much adventure as the last 10.